wonderful book

This is a wonderful, biblically based book on a woman's role in a godly marriage

Commentary From An Abused Wife

I am a conservative Baptist, non-feministic and a submissive wife. Even though there were some good things regarding bringing women back to godly principles in marriage, I found this book very disturbing. I had been a severly abused wife for 25 years. So from the angle of an abused wife, I would like to comment and speak up for those women too afraid or unable to speak for themselves. Chapter 2: The ugly hillbilly woman- the first and main reason she is accounted as `Ugly' by Debi Pearl, is that she is overweight! As an overweight woman, that stung! I may be overweight, but my husband and family and friends have never even intimated that I am ugly! The fact that a smile can change this "worse than regular ugly!" woman is hogwash. It takes more than a smile to change a character- though a smile does indeed help. To say that the woman became unrecognizable when she was caught scowling because she was upset at her obese daughter taking candy is a bit far-fetched (unless her husband is short-sighted or dim-witted) However, I do agree that we must cultivate a happy disposition and smile. Our husbands and family need to see that. When I first read the letter to the desperate wife whose husband was having an emotional affair with his secretary my first response was that Mrs Pearl's advice was wrong. Then I reconsidered and thought that there was truth in the advice that if the wife stood up for her rights (and indeed she was in the right)- and fought to win her man back, then that would be the better way to approach it than to end the marriage. I have seen marriages almost ruined by affairs become stronger than ever where the wife has stood her ground. But if the marriage fails, why does Mrs Pearl attest that "if you get another husband, he will be like your old one- cast off by some other woman"? Who is she to say that with such conviction? It is not necessarily true or a given fact! But it is so true that you cannot force or demand your husband to love you and that he cannot be pressured to love you because you are husband and wife. But why does love come into the equation in a Christian marriage? Where are commitment, understanding, compassion, forgiveness and other Christ-like attributes like forbearance, integrity and obligation to keep the marriage vows simply because God says we must? If one person does not want to be in a marriage, it is a sad fact of life that sometimes no matter how much the spouse who wishes to remain in the marriage tries to please the errant spouse, then the one wanting out will often leave or make it impossible to stay in the marriage by becoming violent or aggressive. Then, because of hardness of heart of the errant spouse, the prayers and efforts of the faithful spouse come to naught. Why? Because we are carnal creatures at times- both men and women. God sometimes cannot soften a heart that is turned from Him because He will not violate our free will. However,I believe if you loved your husband enough, you would fight for him. Or stay in the marriage until it was impossible to remain safely in it. We do see a bit of the "boys will be boys" mentality in this chapter, and I have to wonder if this is biased towards men being helpless creatures bewitched under the guiles of wicked women- Jezebels all. I know that men are called to account to God for their sins and being a man who can't control his thought life and actions is not being a godly man. It does seem that the wife is to bear the burden of blame for her husband's sin and then take it on the chin! And smile, smile, smile through her tears! Another sore point with me is where she says," being pitiful, hurt, discouraged and even sickly is one side of a "bad marriage" coin. Men in general (your husband in particular), are repulsed by women who project this image. A man's spirit tells him his woman is rejecting him manipulating him when she regularly manifests a broken spirit, and he will react in anger." As a woman who suffers from an illness that causes chronic pain and fatigue, I am so overjoyed to report that my husband doesn't treat me as a faulty appliance which causes him great anger, but he cherishes me and tries to alleviate my suffering on bad days by sharing in my tasks and closing an eye to that which can't be done on any particular day. After all, we promised to love each other in sickness and in health. Isn't that type of commitment what God wants in marriage? So this chapter got me thanking God for the blessing of a husband who puts me first when I need it.^M

Very bad advice

This is the most biased, dangerous and unbiblical book about marriage that I have ever read. I regretted buying it so much and won't even sell it as I don't want anyone else to be "poisoned" by the book.^M